The meeting was seeking a clue

The mystery poet was who?

In cases of doubt

Maybe this will help out

'Cos the Phantom was sitting with you!

 

The Phantom Poet strikes again, he he he!!

 

The Phantom Poet Strikes Again!

 

They seek me here, they seek me there

My Limericks are everywhere

So now you know that I'm a man

You must now name me if you can

And if you think that you may know it

Now guess, who IS the Phantom Poet??

 

Answers to the Website please

And just to put you at your ease

Clues will come another day

So now the name game let us play!

 

The Phantom Poet

 

A Morris-man widely renowned,

Advised of a health risk they’d found,

Said: “Go on, pull the other one,

The one with the bells on.”

They did – and he fell to the ground…..

……with a sickening, tinkling sound.

 

 

Written for politicians in 1997:

 

I think that the average voter -

So-called spin doctors call him a floater -

Thinks your big mistake

Wasn't baking the cake

But taking much more than your quota.

 

Ernest Christopher

 

 

There was a young man from the Lea

Who desperately needed a wee

So he looked for a loo

But his frustration grew

'Cos there are non in Mitch’dean you see!!

 

The Phantom Poet

 

 

The worm that turned:

 

A wriggly worm who’s called Wyn,

was feeling exceedingly thin.

He found a big mole

and swallowed it whole.

So now has a big double chin.

 

Misty

 

 

A lady from Tusculum Way

Was feeling quite bored let me say

So she went for a look

And borrowed a book

And the library soon saved the day!

 

Martin

 

 

There was a young man up the Plump

His rubbish he took to the dump

But the tip man said 'sorry '

'Should have booked in your lorry'

And sent him away with the hump!

 

The Phantom Poet

 

 

There was a young man from Ruardean,

Who wished to live very ‘green’.

It went a bit far

When he composted his car

And fuelled his home on some beans.

 

Anon

 

 

There was a young Scotsman named Murray;

His tennis he just would not hurry.

He’s a bit of a scamp

But he plays like a champ.

Think he just likes to cause us to worry

 

Anon

 

 

A lady from up on May Hill

Slipped hubby a little blue pill

So he didnt know why

When she gave him the eye

That everything headed uphill !

 

The Phantom Poet

 

 

There was a young man from the Stenders

Who went on a series of benders

When at last he came round

To his horror he found

That his mates had dressed him in suspenders!

 

The Phantom Poet

 

 On Westgate Bridge a Forester stood Chewing his cap for want of food I know this cap is hard to eat But so much better Than tough old sheep (With a nod to the Russian on Nevsky Bridge) Anon

 

There was a bee man from St. Ives

Who married four or five wives

I  asked," Good Lord why ?"

He said,"it's easy as pie,

I need them to tend all my hives".

 

Anon

 

 

There once was a lady called Sue

Who went to the library loo

Outside took a sniff

Detected a whiff

And her mission she had to review!!!

 

The Phantom

 

 

MOLES

The mole laboured throughout the night

To keep his run spotless and bright.

For although moles are blind,

They usually find

The rubbish best kept out of sight.

 

 

The gardener woke up the next day

And looked on his lawn in dismay.

For his uniform green

Lay there pock-marked, obscene:

With molehills every which way

 

 

Freeminer

 

A Freeminer, questing for coal

On finding a freshly-dug hole,

Thought ‘That must be a seam

Stretching halfway to Bream –

Either that or a gi-normous mole!’

 

When the Freeminer started his shaft

The mole deep within simply laughed:

Butt, you’re wasting your time

For this freemine is mine

Find your own. On yer bike, don’t be daft!

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